Unselfing Yourself

UNSELFING - shift to a mindset of compassion and the greater good; move from concern over oneself to the concern of and for others. A good way to transcend our egos.

I found this interesting, insightful and useful article by Drew Leder from the "Games for the Soul" which I wanted to share with you. 

"So often our thoughts are dominated by self-concern. How am I doing, feeling, appearing? What will I get out of my activities today in the way of love or money? What do others think of… ME?

We need not be overly embarrassed about this narcissism. It’s part of the human condition, then intensified by a culture that rewards personal success.

Yet spiritual advancement often involves reversing that tendency. To make room in our heart for others, the divine, and the joys of the moment, we must lessen that persistent self focus.

Today, do a little unselfing. Whenever you notice your thoughts winding back upon the self, use this as a cue to redirect attention outward: to the task at hand, the needs of others, gratitude toward God, or any other positive focus external to ME, MYSELF, and I.

That will not always come easily. Say a work project is handed to you that you think belongs on someone else’s desk. Immediately, the inner grumbling starts: “ I shouldn’t have to take on this job… My supervisor does this to me all the time.” Your mind becomes a whirlpool of thoughts and emotions circling inward. Like a toilet.

Pause to flush away the self. Absenting your feelings and drives for the moment, ask, “What would be most useful?” Perhaps tackling the task – it’s not that big of a deal, and an opportunity to be of service. Or you may choose to speak to your supervisor because this will help the office better function. Either way, try to avoid SELF being the goal of your actions and the preoccupation of your thoughts.

All through the day there will be temptations to refocus on yourself. You do a kindly act and want praise and recognition. A success invites you to gloat over your accomplishments. An unexpected problem triggers self-centered fears. Tired and frustrated, you sink into a morass of self-pity.

But whenever you notice self returning, whether in a positive or negative mode, remind yourself again to unself. Success? - Thank you, God. Mistake? – The planet will survive. Tired and self-piteous? – My kids need me. I’ll find the energy. Yes, especially if I unself.

For fun, you might see how many times throughout the day you can remember to do this. Three times, five times, ten? Of course, patting yourself on the back is hardly the point of the game. Still, we’re not ascended masters yet. Until fully unselfed we can use the encouragement provided by noting positive results.

You might also apply this game to long-standing issues in your life that seem tangled up in self. Perhaps you’ve an ongoing fear, grievance, or point of indecision. To cut through the mess, try subtracting the self. As a result, your perspective may enlarge.”

So how did I unself today?... The little things, the many urges, the special moments.

I resisted the temptation not to let hurried drivers cut me off - and I let them in with a smile.

I resisted the urge to cut a line when I was in a hurry and waited along patiently and calmly.

I left extra coins in the meter for the next driver, complimented the postal clerk on her job despite her slow service, spared the angry words to a rude restaurant waiter who 'refused the right of public restroom unless being a customer" :), congratulated a stranger for becoming a citizen, 'quietly but meaningfully' celebrated a 10-year long mission accomplished with my parents, invested in long term health and welness by ordering the best available rebounder as a gift to my mother (and myself :), welcomed new friends here at zaadz and shared my joy, inspiration and gratitude all along... Still, there is plenty of self to spare. :)

How about you? How did you unself today? :)